


For him.

by toxic



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Blasphemy, Healing, Hurt No Comfort, Jean is some kind of emotional support to Kurt, M/M, Prayer, Unrequited Love, Warren is an asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 23:48:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8944264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxic/pseuds/toxic
Summary: When Apocalypse had fallen, Warren had shed his wings. Stripped of the powerful and dangerous wings Apocalypse had adorned him with, he had to wait for his wings to grow back. His skin was still bruised and irritated from where the bones had violently forced their way through it. Maybe if he wouldn't have burned Warren's wing in the cage fight, maybe he never would've fallen for Apocalypse's offer. Kurt would never know. But all of this could never hurt him as much as it hurt Warren.





	

Guilt.  
Kurt wondered if he'd ever carried a burden as heavy as this deep feeling of guilt before. It had him uneasy and nauseous, not even praying seemed to fix his restless mind.  
He was torn from feeling some kind of homesick and missing the circus folk which had been with him his whole life to suddenly feeling like there was a never ending, dark pit inside his stomach that had him constantly feel sick.  
  
Kurt's gaze moved away from the window he stared at, so he could instead watch Scott and Jean bicker, too lost in his own thoughts to further listen to Jubilee going on about...  
What was she saying again? It was like all Kurt heard was static noise, everything around him was silent and threatening to suffocate him. Normally he would've had enjoyed this, spending time with his new friends. Something he never had quite like before. Sure, he had loved the family the circus folk had been to him as well as Stefan and Jimaine, but this was something completely different. 

He was in a country where he was finally accepted somehow by society, where he didn't have to pretend like his mutation was a circus costume. Here, Kurt was safe. He wouldn't get kidnapped again and be forced in a cage fight. If that never would've happened, maybe he never would've struggled with feeling like this.  
Like there was a heavy weight in his head that was pulling him out of his daily life and carelessness. His new friends never failed to make him laugh or show him new things, yet this time they weren't able to help.

It was something only Kurt himself could fix, he knew it.

Kurt absent mindedly ripped at the soft grass beneath him where he lent against a tree surrounded by the others. What was the reason for them being here again? Jubilee had wanted to tell something important, right. He remembered. Just not what had been bothering his friend. Usually he would've felt terrible for neglecting his friends like that and he was sure that the guilt for that would get back to him too. They had been sitting here for a while now, yet all Kurt had done was slowly disconnect himself from the conversation as he found himself staring at a certain window.

Warren's window. But nothing had happened, no sight of the blond haired boy or well, any sign of life in the dark room. The only source of light was the midday sun burning it's way through the glass. Maybe Warren wasn't in his room but then again, Warren barely left his room. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe he had finally tried to run away from this place trapping him just like his mutilated wings.

Scott and Jubilee were oblivious to Kurt's behavior, Jean however was seeing right through him. She had noticed Kurt staring at the window as if his life depended on it, as if God himself had appeared at that very window. He had been like that for a while and Jean knew that it wasn't her place to interfere, even though she wished that for once Kurt wouldn't care as much. It was as if he was a completely different person, lost in thought and silent the whole time where usually he'd be excited to be with his friends. It all had started the moment Warren had been brought to the school, it was all his fault. Jean wished she could've helped, really, but all she could do was supporting Kurt by leaving him to solve his issues with all the time he needed.  
  
Just as Kurt was about to excuse himself and leave to his room, he noticed a figure moving closer to the window. Kurt tensed up as he watched the way Warren slowly moved towards the window, still hurting and far from healing. The sun hit his pale skin, reflected of blond locks and the pathetic remains of the beautiful wings the blue skinned mutant had seen back in the cage in Berlin. From down here it looked like Warren had nothing more than a nasty looking mutation and it made Kurt's heart sink. He swallowed as he mustered the other. The tattoos on his face were still visible upon his skin, but only faintly. Warren looked as terrible as he always did ever since he got forced to stay at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.

Wasted, desperate and like a sad shadow of what he used to be. And while he might've been still wasted from the night before, Warren wasn't stupid. His glare found Kurt, scoffing before he pulled the curtains close harshly enough to make the curtain rod struggle with keeping at its place, even visible for Kurt although he was sitting outside. Just like it was visible how the blond winced at the swift movement before the curtains hid his pale figure again. Kurt just now realized he had been holding his breath the whole time, tearing his gaze away from the window again after a few more seconds.

He had done this to Warren. It was all his fault and the guilt weighed him down more than anything he had felt before. Kurt never meant to hurt anyone and all of this made him feel sick and terrible and made him crave being on his own.

"I'm sorry, I'm not feeling too well. I'll be at my room.", he excused himself as he stood up, offering his friends an apologetic gaze for letting them behind like this.

"I can bring you to your room, Kurt, just in case!", Jubilee chimed; eager to help Kurt and was quick to stand up, or at least attempted to. While she might've been quick, Jean was quicker to grab her by the wrist and pull her back down.

"Thank you, but I think I'll be alright. I'll see you later." Kurt thanked Jean silently before making his way back to the mansion.

Faces were a blur to him, unlike usually where he'd greet everyone walking past him with a smile. But how could he carelessly hand out smiles, knowing someone else was suffering because of him? As he made his way to his room, Kurt found himself stopping in front of Warren's room almost reflexively, the loud music blasting from behind the doors was also something that caught his attention and ripped him out of his thoughts. He knew that, as always, he wouldn't have the guts to go in there. All he wanted to do was apologize; but Kurt couldn't get the words out, not when whenever they locked eyes Warren looked at him like Kurt was all he despised in one person. Even though he could hear the melody of the music playing, Kurt stepped closer to the door and put his head against it to be able to listen more closely.

He wanted to see if he could hear what exactly Warren was doing that made him loud enough so Kurt couldn't understand a single word of the Metallica cassette playing in the background. There was the sound of things crashing to the ground and breaking, along with cussing that made Kurt want to pray. Without being in the room, he knew that Warren was probably in another fit of blind rage. Of course he'd be, Kurt understood. Or wished to, at least. There was despair and anger in his voice that was enough for at least ten. It was a scrap of comfort though that he knew Warren had accepted the cassette. Kurt had brought it to him while he'd been sleeping drunk. The vinyl he had brought the other a couple days ago was also the one Kurt found thrown out of the window while wandering around outside.

It had been like this for a while, Kurt had started to bring Warren things at night while he slept. Like vinyls or cassettes that Peter no longer needed (or didn't like) and at some point he had also brought him pain killers that he had sneaked out of the infirmary. He had stopped doing that once he noticed that the pain killers were doing more harm than good. It was only so little Kurt could do to try and make up for what he did, even if it always was a hit or miss.

So knowing that this 'offering' had been something that was to Warren's liking was a relief for Kurt. It was to compensate for the things he had done before that: When Kurt first noticed how terrible the blond was doing, his occasional looking after Warren turned into something regular.

He didn't know how, but it wasn't much longer than a few days after he arrived at the Academy that Warren started drinking. Seeing him passed out, surrounded by a bunch of empty bottles, had Kurt unable to sleep at night. So he had made it his duty to help Warren, to get rid of the alcohol to stop him from getting wasted every night and day. But that only irritated Warren even more than being at the academy did and Kurt realized that he couldn't be the one to take his last way of comfort away from him. No, not when he was the reason that the blond had even started drinking. Not when he had been part of the reason that Warren was crippled now.

Kurt was ripped out of his thoughts when suddenly, the clashing noises and cussing stopping abruptly. Now he could hear the guitar riffs and lyrics very clearly. He wondered if this was maybe Warren's favorite song and maybe that was why the angel was forced into silence by it.

  
_"By the last breath of the fourth winds blow_  
_Better raise your ears_  
_The sound of hooves knock at your door_  
_Lock up your wife and children now_  
_It's time to wield the blade_  
_For now you have got some company_

_The Horsemen are drawing neare-"_

  
Kurt winced when the music stopped as suddenly as he had been able to hear it, and instead it was replaced by a loud banging sound right at the wall beside the door. It was followed immediately by a thumping on the floor. Kurt realized it must've been the cassette player, because now it was stuck and was repeating over and over _'Horsemen are'_. He could hear the sound of heavy boots repeatedly kicking against something before it turned into stomping and Kurt knew that Warren was taking his rage out on the cassette player.

"Don't fucking taunt me like that, piece of shit!" His voice was hoarse and broken, words a slight slur. Kurt found himself unable to move until Warren seemed to be done destroying the cassette player. Now it was completely silent again and Kurt felt like even his own breathing was too loud. No more cussing, no more stomping or music until after a few more minutes he heard the hissing sound of a bottle being opened. Kurt wished he could've gone inside to talk to Warren, to finally apologize outside of his prayers, but the way Warren had reacted earlier upon seeing him left Kurt petrified.

He pushed himself finally off the door again and continued his way to his room as he now felt even more troubled than he had before. Once Kurt finally was in his room, he shut the door gently and took a deep breath to try and clear his mind. Moving to kneel in front of his bed, Kurt propped his elbows up on it as he folded his hands. Kurt closed his eyes as he lowered his head slightly and stayed silent for another minute or so before he spoke up.  
  
"Oh loving and kind God, have mercy.  
Have pity upon me and take away the awful stain of my transgressions.  
Oh, wash me, cleanse me from this guilt.  
Let me be pure again.  
For I admit my shameful deed- it haunts me day and night.  
It is against you and you alone I sinned and did this terrible thing.  
You saw it all, and your sentence against me is just.  
Don't toss me aside, banished forever from your presence.  
Don't take Your Holy Spirit from me.  
Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you."  
  
Kurt couldn't remember how often he had asked God for forgiveness for what he had done to Warren back in east Berlin. He had never intended to hurt him, never had meant to rob an angel of his wings. The thought had his heart aching again. But every time he prayed, he also kept Warren in his mind. Kurt hoped it would help him, that God would help him.

"Father, Your Love never fails.  
Keep him from danger  
and provide for all his needs.  
Teach him to be thankful for Your Gifts.  
Confident in Your Love,  
may he be holy by sharing Your Life,  
and grant him forgiveness of his sins.  
May Your unfailing Love turn him from sin  
and keep him on the way that leads to you.  
Help him to grow in Christian love."  
  
Kurt moved his hand from his forehead to his chest, then from his left shoulder to his right as his gaze moved to the cross he had hung above his bed.  
  
"Amen."  
  
He kept kneeling for a little while, content with sitting in silence and feeling at least a bit better after praying. It wasn't like all the weight was lifted off his shoulder now, but it still made a difference to him and he hoped it'd be the same to Angel. His gaze then went to a box beside his nightstand full of the cassettes and vinyls he had gotten from Peter, along with a few that Scott and Jubilee had given to him since they assumed he had lost his interest in German folk songs because of the sudden interest in Peter's old stuff.

Kurt was grateful, really, but they were a little useless to him. He assumed that the cassettes of various girl bands that Jubilee had given to him probably wouldn't be to Warren's liking. Thinking about it, Kurt realized the cassettes he had were useless now anyway. After all, Warren probably broke his cassette player beyond repair. He'd check out the damage tonight, maybe he could take it to get fixed and return it to him. 

* * *

  
When night broke in and it got silent within the building, Kurt was wide awake where he sat on his bed whilst messing around with a vinyl in his hand. Whether the Metallica cassette had been good or not was a question still bothering him, so Kurt could only hope that this vinyl would be better.

It read 'Billy Idol' in blue letters as well as 'Rebel Yell' in red letters and featured a blond man without a shirt but his fist raised. 'Billy', if that was his real name, at least looked like he could make the kind of music Warren liked. He'd find out.

Kurt knew he should stop procrastinating from going to Warren's room, so he got up and into the empty corridors. Silence was the only thing that filled them, and Kurt was glad nobody else was around at this time. Sure, he could've teleported into the others room right away, but Kurt wanted a bit more time to collect his thoughts. As soon as he reached Warren's room, Kurt once more leant against it to see if he could hear anything: The complete silence in the room was enough to let Kurt know it'd be safe to teleport inside the other mutants room. It didn't take much more than a second or two before he disappeared with a black cloud of smoke and reappeared in Warren's room.

Even though the room was completely dark, he could see perfectly fine. The closed curtains were the only thing that seemed in place in Warren's room, though Kurt carefully pushed them open to reveal the full moon glowing brightly outside. It lit the room up more than Kurt had expected, and he was afraid he'd woken Warren up. The books Warren had gotten upon his arrival were carelessly thrown around on the floor, a few pages ripped out, joining the sea of clothes and bottles. Kurt felt sick from the stench in the room, it smelled like alcohol and cigarette smoke, just like it had in the cage in Berlin.

One of the bottles on the floor was filled to the brim with cigarette ashes and Kurt didn't even wanna know how many cigarettes it took for Warren to fill the whole bottle up like that. His gaze moved from the empty shelves over the dirty ground and then to the wreck of what once had been Warren's cassette player. Seeing the pile of broken pieces made him once again aware of how angry the other must've been. _'This is unfixable'_ , Kurt thought to himself before he once more looked at the vinyl in his hand. It was worth a try. Forcing his way through the mess and towards the desk in the room, Kurt laid the record carefully down on it before he turned to face the bed.

Warren's face was shoved in the pillow, one of his legs dangling out of the bed as well as his wrist which showed the burned out cigarette stump he had dangling between his fingers. Hesitantly, he looked at Warren's wings.

When Apocalypse had fallen, Warren had shed his wings. Stripped of the powerful and dangerous wings Apocalypse had adorned him with, he had to wait for his wings to grow back. Even though it had been a while, this far only the skeleton of his wings had returned. It was a sight that hurt Kurt. His skin was still bruised and irritated from where the bones had violently forced their way through it, the bones themselves enveloped in skin that looked thin enough to rip every second. Maybe if he wouldn't have burned Warren's wing in the cage fight, maybe he never would've fallen for Apocalypse's tempting offer. Kurt would never know. But all of this would never hurt him as much as it hurt Warren. He tore his gaze away again from the gruesome sight as he instead turned to clean up.

Starting with the clothes, he picked them all up and folded them, then stacked them onto a neat pile on the chair in front of the others desk. If he wouldn't clean up, nobody would. Warren didn't seem to take care of himself anymore and Kurt wondered if he should bring him some food for when he woke up. He hadn't seen Warren around for dinner the last few days, but Kurt understood why Warren would want to avoid going: whenever he left his room, the sight of his growing wings drew everybodys attention, even though they all had mutations themselves. Chewing on his bottom lip, he stood still for a moment before he moved to collect the books on the floor and put them back into the shelf where they belonged.

"So it was you."

Kurt froze in his movement as soon as he heard Warren's rough voice. He always slept so deeply and never had woken up before, how could Kurt have missed the sound of him moving in the sheets? But teleporting away now would be pointless, Warren had already seen him. Still he couldn't bring himself to turn around, letting go of the book he had just put back to its place.

"Fucking look at me at least.", Warren said, sounding more irritated than before.

And so Kurt did, now finally able to get a proper sight of the others face. The dark circles beneath his eyes were even worse now that he stood right in front of Warren, just like his uneven hair. Kurt's mouth opened and for a moment, there were no words leaving him before he blurted out an _'I'm sorry'_.

Warren scoffed as he sat up in his bed, his wings twitching in a way that probably would've fluffed up his feathers defensively- if he'd have any covering them. The blond winced slightly from the movement, but did his best to mask the pain. "I don't need you pitying me." He threw the cigarette stump between his fingers carelessly onto the floor. "And I don't need you trying to fucking baby me like this. Just leave, because I don't need to be locked in an underground cage anymore to want to bash your fucking face in."  
  
"Listen, I- I am sorry. I really am. I never meant to hurt your wing like that.", Kurt said with a slight shiver in his voice, intimidated by the way Warren glared daggers at him "I'm so sorry, I didn't know that the-"  
  
" _'I'm sorry, I'm sorry'_. God, do you know how to say anything else?" Warren stood up, swaying slightly. Now Kurt knew why Warren hadn't immediately gone for him, not when he couldn't even stand up without trouble. "Do you think saying sorry will get me out of this shithole? Make my wings grow back quicker? Because it fucking won't, and neither will you coming in here at night. This is all your fault." He made his way towards Kurt, grabbing him by his collar and raising his fist before bringing it down onto the others face.

But Kurt didn't do anything, didn't try to push Warren off or dodge the punch. He just looked up at Warren with his bright eyes, accepted the punch just like that, and it angered the blond visibly even more. Kurt could hear him grit his teeth, his gaze moving to Warren's fist: his knuckles were bruised badly. Kurt wondered what he had done for them to look so bad. There was silence between them before Warren lowered his fist again and instead pushed Kurt harshly against the shelf behind him.

Kurt could taste his own blood in his mouth and his eyes closed for a brief second as he crashed against the shelf, his hand briefly raising to touch his split lip and wincing. He opened his eyes to look at the blood on his finger but he didn't want to fight Warren again, it was unnecessary and he still had come here to apologize.

"I'm sorry.", he repeated, because he genuinely was and wanted him to know that "Please, I want to help you get better. It's the least I can do. I didn't know how I could help you, I thought the things I brought you would make it more durable for you. I prayed for you but I know all of this isn't enough." Kurt found himself interrupted by the other laughing.

"You prayed for me, of course. What else. What's the point? I stopped believing in that a long time ago, and you should too. God isn't going to get me out of here and neither will this." His voice was now more bitter than anything, turning away again so he wouldn't have to face Kurt anymore. Warren looked at the vinyl on his desk, picking it up and examining it for a few seconds. There was silence between them again and Kurt found himself staring at the way the moonlight was shining on Warren's skin, cruelly highlighting the beginning of a new set of wings. He didn't know what to say, not when his apologies only seemed to fuel Warren's anger even more. Everything he wanted to say would only get the same, angry remarks from Warren. He needed a different way to approach this but it seemed impossible.

Warren eventually threw the vinyl carelessly onto the desk as he was seemingly calming down again and running a hand through his blond locks. He glanced out of the window for a second, eyebrows furrowing before he turned his head to look at Kurt again, "Fine. You want to help me? Then get me out of here. Bring me back to Germany." Kurt's eyes widened.

"Germany? I-I don't know if I can reach that far- that's crazy. That's _dangerous_." Sure, he could do multiple jumps a second but each had a radius of a few miles and left Kurt feeling nauseous when he teleported long distances. But never had he attempted to do something so.. insane. Even less with someone else to teleport with himself.

"So what? Thought you were 'the incredible Nightcrawler'.", he said mockingly "Bring me somewhere nice in West Berlin. Anywhere, just across the wall. Hell, you could even bring me to Munich. You want to be forgiven, and the only thing I want is to get away from here." Warren had no idea what he was talking about and Kurt shook his head as he watched Warren sit back on his bed, grabbing the pack of cigarettes on his nightstand. His gaze stuck on Warren's chapped lips as he put the cigarette between them and lit it, inhaled the smoke deeply.

Kurt swallowed as he shook his head again, this time harder. "I can't do that, I've never done that before. I might hurt us. I don't even know if it'd work out at all- or the trouble we'd get into." He had really wanted to do everything to apologize to Warren but hadn't expected something like this.

Warren exhaled the smoke that had been captured in his lungs as he rested his chin in his hand and glared at Kurt. "What, you're scared of the Professor finding out? He knows Im going to leave either way. And if he traces it back to you.. Just tell him I forced you. Doubt he'd care too much to really look into it. They already paint me as the devil, it's not like this would sound unbelievable to him. Or get your little red-head friend to help you."

"You're drunk. Im afraid, but you know this won't work out. Please; think about it when you have a clear head again.", Kurt requested, obviously struggling with the current situation "Im sure I can do something else for-" He shut himself up as Warren gestured with his hand for the other to do so, obviously no longer willing to listen to Kurt's reasoning.

"You can't. Im trapped in here, and because of you I can't leave on my own. So piss off. Either get me out of here or leave me the fuck alone. Go pray and waste your own time, but don't waste mine."

"Warren-"

"Don't call me that." Kurt stood there silently, but Warren was completely ignoring him. He looked out of the window as he continued smoking with a dark frown and disappointment upon his face. It wasn't until after Warren finished smoking his cigarette that Kurt left again, leaving behind a black cloud of smoke as he teleported himself back into his room as he felt unable to argue with the other on this matter.

As soon as he was in his room, Kurt went to pray again; to ask for guidance and advice. Warren was too stubborn, too set on leaving the school and Kurt knew that. But bringing him out of here seemed to be the only way that he could get rid of his guilt and make Warren feel better again, too. Was it selfish of him to refuse to even try to teleport them to Germany? He was more troubled than before, the guilt that was now mixing with confusion and angst was weighing him down once again.

Kurt prayed that night until his knees ached from the cold, hard floor he was kneeling on and his fingers felt numb from the beads of his rosary. But this time, it didn't help him at all. To make this decision was something only he could do. 

  
After their encounter, Kurt didn't visit Warren at night anymore. Mentally he was still debating on whether he should try to bring him to Germany or not. Kurt now was more absent than all the time before the incident and even Jubilee as well as Scott and Peter seemed to realize that something had to be wrong with their blue skinned friend. But Kurt kept his mouth shut and insisted that it was nothing. They already hated Warren as it was, telling them what was bothering him so much would only make the whole thing worse for both of them.

It was good two weeks after that troublesome night that Kurt was walking along with the others through the hallways after class to go and get some food. They wanted to go to the mall later and Kurt would tag along with them. Just because he felt troubled in his mind, it didn't mean it was right for him to neglect his friends. It wasn't like any of them were at fault for this. But Kurt froze when Warren came into his sight and walked past them. All of them shut up for a fact, and Warren returned the favor by glaring at them.

His wings had a few small and fluffy feathers on them but they weren't enough to cover up the red, irritated skin and the way it was stretching at several parts where feathers tried to push their way through it. Kurt couldn't decide if this sight or Warren's wings without any feathers was worse. Their gazes met and Kurt felt cold from the way the other glared at him even more than at his friends, obviously pissed at Kurt for not returning to him with the news Warren had hoped for.

"What's his God damn problem?", Scott scoffed as he watched the blond pass by them before saying a quick _'Sorry, Kurt'_.

"Look at him. What _isn't_ his problem?", Peter replied as he chewed on his bubblegum.

"It's okay, Scott. We all know he's an asshole." Jean held her arm out to hold him back, he looked ready to do something stupid every moment. She could sense how nervous Kurt was, that there were still unresolved problems between them and even though she was curious to know more about it, she didn't look too far into it.

Peter grinned and shook his head as he continued walking but Kurt stood silently, still meeting Warren's gaze. He wasn't drunk, yet, but he looked like he was in even more despair and anger than he had been before. And Kurt understood; he had finally thought of a way that he could leave this place as quick as possible but Kurt denied it. As he saw Warren passing them and the way everyone treated him, Kurt realized something.

Who was he to deny Warren freedom after he had robbed him of it?

It wasn't his place to decide over Warren's fate like this. The least he could do was to try to get him out of here. Warren was right, he would've been gone from here already if he still had his wings. But he didn't have them anymore, because of Kurt. And it dawned on Kurt that he should at least try to help him, shouldn't he?

 _'Kurt.'_ He could hear Jean's voice in his head which made him snap out of his thoughts, realizing that Warren was long gone and his friends had already continued walking and followed behind Peter. Jean was a few steps away from him, looking back at the other and waiting for him so they could catch up with their friends together. As Kurt quickly walked to Jean, he had decided that that night he'd go back to Warren- and was determined to bring him back to Germany.

He was surprised how quickly he had changed his mind about the whole thing just now, only because he saw once again how miserable the blond looked here. In a place he hated, surrounded by people he hated and who hated him in return. If this was the only way to apologize to Warren and make him feel better again, Kurt had to accept it. And he wanted to help him, after all. But there was an aching feeling in his heart when he thought about never seeing Warren again if their trip would be successful. There was so much more that Kurt wanted to tell him, so many more feelings than just guit that pooled in his stomach whenever he thought of him. However, he'd never speak them out.

What was the point? All Warren wanted was to be left alone and leave back to Germany. Kurt understood. As they walked, Kurt kept silent until Jean spoke up again.

"Are you alright?" Her voice was soothing him somehow, made his heartbeat slow down again from it's quick beating.

"Yes, of course. Please don't worry about me." He offered her a smile that showed off his fangs. Jean didn't seem convinced by that at all, but nodded anyways in response.

Kurt was relieved that Jean didn't question him further. Even though he wished he could've shared his worries with her, he knew it was the smartest solution to keep all of this between Warren and himself.

* * *

  
Kurt ate well and made sure he rested, as well as prayed, more than enough for that day. But even though he was in a better shape than ever, there was an uneasy feeling in his gut as he teleported himself into Warren's room at nighttime. The knot in his stomach only got worse when he stood behind the blond.

Warren was leaning against the open window, glancing out into the night as his chin rested on his hand as his other hand held the cigarette between his lips. Kurt chewed on his bottom lip which had just recently fully recovered again but he couldn't help it. He wondered if Warren always had smoked, especially this much. What was the point of it? Before he got the chance to speak, Warren spoke up.

"What do you want?", he growled "I can feel you staring. Speak up already. It's creepy." Warren turned to face Kurt and he realized that the last few traces of the tattoos in Warren's face now had faded away completely.

"Did you drink today?", Kurt asked as he nervously shuffled where he stood, looking away from Warren's face to instead look at the big mess his room had become again.

"What's that to _you_ , Nightcrawler? Mind your own business." Now it was Kurt's turn to feel Warren's gaze on him, who seemed to be caught off guard by Kurt standing there in his every day attire instead of his pajamas which he'd usually wear at this time and also had worn when Warren had caught him back then.

"Im going to bring you to Germany- I mean, I'll try. I can't guarantee anything. But I can't bring you across the wall, I've never been to west Berlin before. The place I'm most familiar with is a forest near Munich, a kilometer or so away from the city. It's the safest option." His eyes had something pleading in them, hoping Warren would take that offer and be okay with it. Kurt watched him expectantly as Warren put out his cigarette on the window sill and did something the blue skinned mutant really hadn't expected.

Warren smiled.

There was a genuine smile on his face, displaying the relief he must've felt upon knowing that he'd be able to leave this place that left him feeling even more trapped than the cage in east Berlin. It made Kurt's heart beat faster than before and warmth bubbled up in his chest; wishing he could forever watch Warren smiling. But as soon as he noticed Kurt watching him, Warren forced himself to stop smiling again. Instead he started rummaging through the mess that was his closet, stripping of his current shirt and exchanging it for a black shirt.

"I can't promise you that it'll work out. It'll be the first time I'll try going somewhere so far away, especially with someone else.", Kurt reminded him hesitantly as he was afraid of building up Warren's hope and then disappointing him again. He put on his pants and boots, then grabbed his leather jacket from his bed.

"You wanted to be forgiven, right? Then stop whining and start trying. Can't get worse than here." Warren struggled to get his soon to be wings through the slits in the back of the jacket, grimacing slightly but not saying anything about it. "So, what do I have to do?" He seemed to be standing a little more taller than when Kurt had seen him in the hallway today.

It was almost like when he first met him, it seemed like with this one promise of freedom he was back to his old self. Well, not like Kurt had seen too much of that.

"Could you hug me?"

_"What?"_

"I just want to.. make sure I'll get all of you over to Germany." Kurt's heart was thumping hard in his chest. It was a lie, he just was scared. He was scared of messing up, of hurting the both of them, and just wanted every kind of comfort he could get. And even though he couldn't explain how, Warren made him feel troubled and comforted at the same time.

"That's fucking ridiculous." But the blond stepped closer anyways, wrapping his arms around the other. Kurt set his chin down on Warren's shoulder as he returned the gesture. He could feel Warren's heartbeat against his chest and it made Kurt realized he probably had never been this afraid of anything before.

But Warren was warm and comforting, even though he smelled of cigarette ashes and cheap booze. Somehow, it still smelled like Warren. Kurt closed his eyes as he let the warmth and scent of Warren envelop him and calm his nerves, wishing they could just stand there like this for all eternity. Nobody but Warren had ever made him feel that way. Guilt and worry had turned into genuine feelings for the angel. Genuine feelings that Kurt couldn't identify for sure, though they kept him awake at night. Thinking of Warren just made so much go through his head. It was like a firework of feelings.

"I'm really scared I'll hurt you while teleporting. Or worse."

As Warren scoffed, Kurt could feel his breath against his neck. It made him briefly shiver against the other. "As if. Been through all that shit and here I am, still standing. I doubt a bit of teleporting would make much of a difference."

Of course he'd say something like that. Kurt fell silent again after that, his bright eyes still closed. He squeezed Warren a bit closer, his grip on the others leather jacket tightening. Warren's embrace let Kurt eventually allow himself to be lulled in some kind of feeling of security. The woods in Munich.. He had spent so much time there when he hadn't been at the circus, it shouldn't be too hard. He had to do it. For Warren. And for himself. Focusing on the image in his mind, he took a last deep breath and inhaled the blonds scent before he finally brought himself to teleport them. 

   
It felt like absolute hell to Kurt, his whole body aching as he felt himself getting lost in nausea. There were so many jumps a second that Kurt lost count of them or on how long they'd been teleporting. He only knew that it felt like a painful eternity to him. His head was empty and dazed but he was still determined to reach Munich. But at some point, it just got too much for him and Kurt lost consciousness.

When he woke up again, Kurt gasped for air as he sat up in the shallow water he had seemed to lay in. Where were they? He glanced around, examining the coast they seemed to be at. The sun was rising on the cloudless morning sky and reflected on the warm water Kurt laid in. No, this wasn't Munich. This was some cove at the Atlantic Ocean and if he was lucky then this meant they at least were in Europe. He had absolutely no idea where he had brought them.

There were so many thoughts spiraling in his mind before he moved his hand against his forehead as nausea took over again. He squeezed his eyes shut once more before opening them upon hearing a sound. Warren.

Kurt glanced into the direction to see Warren leaning against a rather large rock as he vomited. And he seemed to have been doing that for a while, judging from the puddle at his feet. Kurt had to look away as he started to feel sick himself, waiting until the blond stopped again. Then there was silence for a while before he heard the sound of heavy boots thudding through the water and Warren was standing in front of him, Kurt was flinching at the anger upon his face. He was even paler than usual, looked worse than he had from all the drinking.

"For fucks sake, where are we?!"

" _I don't know_. Im sorry. I told you, I've never done this before.", Kurt repeated, his own voice slowly growing irritated "Somewhere around Europe's coast."

He felt terrible from the long distance teleport and even worse that it hadn't worked out, now wasn't the time that he wanted Warren yelling at him for nothing. Well, nothing Kurt hadn't warned him about. Kurt laid his hands over his face as another wave of nausea washed over him and he shut his eyes. Warren groaned loudly as he let his head fall back.

"Great job. Really _incredible_. God, I can't believe this. Can't you just bring us to Munich now?" There it was again, that overly aggressive and impatient undertone in Warren's voice.

"I can't. Im exhausted. If I could do it I would, but I need a break.", Kurt cried out as he was starting to get frustrated under the pressure Warren put on him. It wasn't like Kurt didn't try, he just couldn't do it. What was so hard to understand about that? Kurt took a deep breath as he lowered his hands again. He glanced around again, saw a small path which he supposed would lead to the inner of a city. Or at least to civilization.

"We should try to get something to eat and drink. Then rest.", Kurt suggested slowly, trying to play off his small outburst, and knowing that Warren felt at least as shitty as him "I really don't feel well."

"I doubt anyone will give us anything.", Warren replied bitterly, rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms after gesturing between his growing wings and Kurt. He also turned to glance towards the small path before he looked back at Kurt. "Could've at least brought us somewhere closer to a city."

Kurt had it with Warren's nitpicking, so he decided to just keep his mouth shut. It already had been a wonder that he teleported them as far as he had. He knew that he whatever he'd do, it wouldn't be enough for Warren. But his heart still ached terribly when he thought about leaving Warren in Germany. With a rather quick movement, Kurt attempted to stand up yet the sudden movement made him sick to the bone. He struggled with keeping himself up as his head spun, barely able to keep his eyes open.

"What's wrong? Hey, answer me! Fuck- don't you dare pass out on me again, I swear-" was all that Kurt heard before he gave into the dizziness clouding his mind and collapsed against Warren.

It wasn't until two days later that Kurt felt like he would be able to teleport them both for a long distance again without harming either of them. They had stayed at the small coast as it was the safest choice for them. Though Warren had gotten them some food and something to drink somehow, Kurt preferred not to ask. Under different circumstances, he really would've liked it here.

The sun was already setting as Kurt kneeled close to the coast, eyes closed as he clutched the first bead of his rosary in his hands.

"...Vater unser im Himmel, geheiligt werde dein Name. Dein Reich komme. Dein Wille geschehe, wie im Himmel; so auf Erden...", he mumbled to himself.

As he eventually held the 59th bead between his fingers, Kurt found himself interrupted by Warren scoffing. He'd been glaring daggers at him the whole time, but at least he had let him finish. Warren was towering above him, the setting sun reflecting of his golden locks and giving his pale skin a warm tint.

"You're driving me crazy with all your praying. If you'll pray your rosary one more time, I'll throw it into the ocean.", he announced, and Kurt wouldn't doubt it "Its been two days. Can't we leave?"

Clutching his rosary a little tighter than before, Kurt nodded slowly. "Just.. give me a couple more minutes."

Seemingly satisfied with the answer, the blond sat down as well. Yes, they could leave. But Kurt wished that they would just go back to America again. Together. The thought of going back without Warren- of never seeing him again- it saddened Kurt more than he ever would've expected. They hadn't even parted yet, but Kurt still missed the other. He didn't know how he'd explain this to the professor either- or his friends who were probably worrying for him. Still, knowing that he'd lose Warren like that was what had his heart aching the most. Was he in love?

Kurt wasn't sure. He had never felt as attached to someone before. Whatever that feeling was, Warren would never return it. And he had every right to. Kurt understood that he hated him.

"Did you have an illumination from up there, or what's up with you?", Warren said and stopped Kurt from spacing out, but there was an undeniable undertone of mockery in the first part of his sentence.

"You'll take good care of yourself, right?" The question was out of the blue, but Kurt couldn't help it. His worry for Warren was alarming him, and Warren seemed just as alarmed by it.

"Don't see why _that's_ any of your business. But yeah, I will." There was silence for a few minutes again, the black haired boy hesitating as he tried to organize the many thoughts running through his head. Kurt shifted on his knees, putting his rosary back around his neck before turning to face Warren.

"If you need help, try to find the circus. I don't know where there are right now- but if they're still in Munich you should be able to find them. Go to Margali, tell her I sent you, they'll all help you there. I'm sure she could help you with your wings too. And tell Stefan and Jimaine I'm sorry for not having come back yet. I never had the chance to tell them goodbye. But I need to go back as quick as possible, the others are counting on me."

There was a small sob. Kurt didn't know where the sudden outburst came from, maybe it was from knowing that he'd lose another person very important to him just like his family when he had been taken away from them. But things had gone so fast and slipped through his fingers, now it was about to happen again. Warren seemed just as surprised by it and was about to say something, though Kurt was quicker. He quickly wrapped his arms around him again and the familiar smell of sulfur filled his nose again as he teleported them away from the idyllic bay.

 

This time, it hadn't been as bad as before although it had still been exhausting enough to make Kurt pass out again once more. When he came to his senses, he immediately sat up.

"Warren!"

But he was greeted by silence, aside from the thump of something falling of his chest and onto his legs. Glancing down, Kurt recognized that it was the angels leather jacket that apparently had served him as a blanket before. Warren must've put it on him as he'd been passed out. His eyebrows lifted for a moment in surprise before they furrowed as he scanned the area for Warren.

The scent of fir trees surrounded him as well as the tired chirping of a single bird; Kurt didn't even need to think to know that this time, he had really brought them to Munich. It was way too quiet for someone else to be around. Kurt stopped looking around when his eyes locked with a wooden sign. _'München - 1 Kilometer'_ , it read, an arrow pointing into the direction of a small dirt path.

Clutching the leather jacket close to himself, he made his way over to the path. Heavy boots had left their marks in the mud and in one of the foot prints, there was a single, fluffy and tiny feather. So small that Kurt wouldn't have really recognized it as a feather, or acknowledged its existence in general, if he wouldn't be looking for Warren. But he could count two and two together, knew that the other had already left.

He had no reason to wait for Kurt to wake up, he had nothing to say to the other. Kurt could only imagine how eager Warren was to start a new part of his life where he wouldn't be captured by any cage; whether it'd be in the form of illegal fight clubs, the promises of an ancient God or a mansion he didn't want to be at.

Kurt stared at the fluffy feather in the mud before his vision got blurry from the tears in his eyes. They streamed down his cheeks eventually, made his blue skin glisten from the faint starlight that had made its way through the trees. He wasn't sure why he was crying or when he had cried the last time, if it was the relief that he finally had been able to make it up to Warren that was making him cry or if his broken heart was at fault. Now all he had left was Warren's studded leather jacket and his room back at the academy.

Kurt knew that going after him was pointless in every possible way even if his heart ached for the other oh so terribly. All he could do was go back on his own and hope he wouldn't get in too much trouble. With the back of his hand, he wiped the tears out of his eyes. Had he tried everything to make Warren stay? He wasn't sure. But this would be better for him, would make the blond at least happier. Yeah, this was better for everyone involved in this situation. He hoped Warren would be alright on his own in Munich. Kurt let out a choked sob.

Warren would never know how much he meant to him.

**Author's Note:**

> please excuse me if this was kinda ooc and I made mistakes, this is my first fanfic for this fandom as I just recently got into it and english isn't my native tongue! I would very much appreciate critique, thanks for reading!


End file.
